[Tuesday October 28th, 2008 at 10:45pm] yo. new journal. rooted_lotus. i added everyone that actually still uses this thing. add me back if you feel like it. 1 ♥ you're built to spill

transparent in the city today [Wednesday October 15th, 2008 at 9:49pm] see this is the thing. sometimes i feel absolutely insane, crazy. it overwhelms me and i don't know how to fight it off. i just don't know how. it's unreasonable. it's irrational. and yet it persists until i've faded into an oblivion. and then, there's this transitional phase where slowly things begin to make sense again. i'm not totally numb. poke me and i feel it, and i'm okay with it. the maddness ends with complete satisfaction. everything is awesome, i am happy. i am in love. all the great things about life shine through. and boy do they shine. until the transitional phase comes back and leads to the insanity again. it's a never ending cycle. the poles will not agree. and i'm torn in half because of it. shane makes me happy. fall makes me happy. my friends, chocolate, thrills, my family, swings...these are all things that make me happy. i can't make myself happy. and that's why the feeling will never stay. minus the bear -- thursday october 23rd. who wants to go? you're built to spill

[Tuesday September 30th, 2008 at 12:30pm] i'm realy home sick. i love it here it has nothing to do with my school or philadelphia. but it's fall now. my favorite time of year. pumpkin spice lattes, PUMPKING BAGELS from bagel art, haunted houses...particularly broken heart's asylum on harvey's lake, carving pumpkins, decorations, scarves. and there's nothing like those nepa leaves when they change. nothing. i'm really sad. i miss my family. can't wait to go home this weekend. then i'll be fine. 6 ♥ you're built to spill

[Sunday September 28th, 2008 at 7:54pm] i had a really good time with my friends this weekend. i'm so glad it's possible virtually whenever. i really am. so after walking becca halfway to the trolley stop this morning at 9 a.m. in the cloud's piss, i came back to my dorm and slept until 12:30, haha. i haven't slept that long in...i don't even remember. but in this time had a dream that i was laying on shane and fell asleep. and i woke up (in my dream) and realized that i had drooled all over him. AND THEN. i woke up in real life only to find myself clung to my pillow (which i never sleep with), which was covered in drool. how sad is that? it was a terrible feeling let me tell you. i dream in both first and third person. isn't that weird? 6 ♥ you're built to spill

[Thursday September 25th, 2008 at 9:30pm] i'm buried in school work. all the time. there is no time for hobbies, there is no time for eating (and occasionally breathing). i've written nine papers so far. you heard me. took 3 tests already. i'm doing okay though. i got a math tutor because i suck at math. i remember in high school how it was lame to be tutored. but now everyone has a tutor. everyone. atleast at my school. i like it though. i like being busy...it makes the days go by. and i feel productive. it's already almost october...HALLOWEEN!!! my friends are coming to stay for the weekend. i can't wait. i feel alright for once. i've finally adjusted to the overwhelming work load and got into the swing of things. yay for college. can't wait for thanks giving break. hah. i miss my boyfriendddddddddd always you're built to spill

[Tuesday September 16th, 2008 at 7:44pm] the past 2 weeks have been interesting. i stayed at bryn mawr over the weekend and it was a good time. watched the real world. i miss kettle maker a lot so it was nice that i got to watch her make kettles. her campus is very nice. so many girls though!!!!! and my bumper stickers got deleted from facebook, it's upsetting. what else. oh. west chester thursday to see my favorite rp. and post secret. and other TOTALLY AWESOME PEEPZ. yeah can't wait. the fire alarm went off this morning at the lovely hour of 4:15am. it was splendid. second night in a row wahoo. i was so pissed. merry merry merry 1 ♥ you're built to spill

[Friday September 12th, 2008 at 8:54pm] my cat was put to sleep. that is all. 1 ♥ you're built to spill

[Monday September 8th, 2008 at 11:25am] can't change your past. can't change a damn thing. but we need the balance reguardless. other wise what would it mean to you? "a flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it" -dogen you're built to spill

[Sunday September 7th, 2008 at 8:31pm] i went home this weekend and it was really nice. i don't understand myself. yesterday shane and i were in my car parked outside of the jazz cafe. and everything just felt so wrong. not him, just my life at that current moment. i couldn't figure out where things were going. i'm not in high school. i'm in college. a college away from my home where everything is new and i don't know anybody. and i couldn't figure out what was going through my head. i still don't know what was going through my head. i was lost. but now that i'm back i feel okay. everything's unpacked and back in order and i'm ready to continue on the educational journey. and it's all fine. i don't get it i really don't. i like it here in philadelphia, a lot. but it will never be my home. rachel and edgar this week!!!!!!!! i have like 1 friend here at usp and she's only my friends sometimes. my old friends are my best and truest forever and ever and that's that. 3 ♥ you're built to spill

[Monday August 25th, 2008 at 5:55pm] so i've been in philly since friday and today was my first day of class. so far i like it. it's just a very weird feeling because i don't really know too many people. i've programmed by brain to be okay with the change because i accept that this is my "home" for the next couple months. i do miss my boyfriend a whole lot though and i wish he was here. although i can't wait til he comes to visit because there is so much for us to do! finally. stuff to do, can you believe it? i haven't had any meltdowns yet which is good. and my fav's will be here soon! went to center city already. shopped at h&m haha. didn't find anything. i'm even starting to understand the subway routes. who knew i'd be a city girl? ;-) SEE YOU AT THE FAIR DALLAS RESIDENTS. 8 ♥ you're built to spill

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